Don’t Live To Please Others – Do you sometimes feel like you don’t love your life? Like, deep inside, something is missing?
That’s because we are living someone else’s life. We allowed other people to influence or determine our choices, we are trying to please their expectations.
We all become prey without noticing it. Before we realize we lost control of our lives, we end up envying how other people live. We can only see the greener grass, ours is never good enough.
Don’t live to please others but to oneself
You are not alone. Expectations are hard to overcome. With my experience in my own life, I also tried to please one or other every time and every age. Later I realised that pleasing others is like chasing a moving target. Others expectations will continually change.
By trying to please everyone, we end up pleasing no one, ourselves included. Expectations are an illusion. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. They feel frustrated and disappointed.
Anticipation is annoying
Anticipation is annoying even when things go as expected, you can’t enjoy unsurprising events. Even when we get what we wished for, we can’t be happy either. That’s the problem with anticipation. We fall in love with the expectations. If what we anticipated doesn’t come true, life seems unfair. If it does, the lack of surprise makes the actual experience less exciting.
The same thing happens with people. They get frustrated when you don’t behave as they expect. That’s key to understand, it’s their problem, not yours.
Expectations create a social contract
To bridge that void, you must reframe your relationship with people’s expectations. Expectations create a social contract, it’s an implicit agreement between others and you. If you don’t push back, people will assume you are okay with it.
Speak up Or people will continue invading you. If you don’t resist, not only do you legitimize the agreement, it becomes a social practice. Soon, you’ll start doing the same to others, when you let other people define your life, you want to prescribe theirs, too.
Not expecting things from others is the first step to preventing people from dictating how you live. Life is a two-way street, when you realize that no one owes you anything, you stop expecting people to owe you anything either.
No one knows yourself better than you do. No one but yourself can choose how you live. So stop pleasing others, stop fullfill their expecations and never follow other’s anticipations.
You cannot control what others think about you, but you can choose how you talk to yourself. Your inner-talk can help or harm you. Learn to choose your words wisely. Your expectations can put you in a box, you are the only one who can set yourself free.
Pay attention to your inner-dialogue, are you being kind to yourself or adding more pressure? Does your conversation focus on who you are and what you want to be? Or is it full of expectations of who you should be? Your dialogue should be yours, not shaped by other people’s thoughts.
Stop judging, stop expecting
Expectations derive from being judgmental. When someone can’t accept how you behave, they expect you to change. By learning to be more compassionate toward yourself, not only will you ease your own expectations, but you also won’t feel the need to judge others.
The judgment adds frustration and negativity. Perfectionists are never happy. When you let go of expectations, you create space to enjoy the here and now. Your life is not what should happen, but what is actually happening as you read these words.
Love your own life – Any moment is a turning point if you decide to make the most of it. You are in charge. Love your life. Accept the worst and hope for the best.
Original post by Gustavo Razzetti
Read my previous post ‘you are unconditionally free‘